Surgeon General Warning

like my life, a work in progress:

He said he was somewhere that no one would find him, he was out of sight.

Funny, that is where both of them have been most of my life.

Not physically, because I knew where they were, I could see them,

somewhere behind a bottle of chems-

varying in size, shape, and contents,

but always containing that shit with the same awful scent,

the stuff that we college kids crave when we go to the bar,

the stuff that makes a pitchless wonder into a karaoke star,

the stuff that makes fridays fun during happy hour,

but back at home, hours with that stuff were only sour.

That stuff is why they can't be found, [mentally]

(it sends them on a leave of absence, chemically).

It's why my dad walks out of the house without a sign.

It's why for as far back as I can remember, their bedtime was before mine.

It's why the hardest part about meet the parents is meeting my parents again.

It's not worth all the family shit it's made me hide from my friends.

I propose that to fight this disease,

all their bottles should have a new label that reads:

Caution, do not attempt to maintain strong family ties,

a nurturing childhood environment free of lies,

because all you'll get is a living hell in a leave-it-to-beaver disguise,

and three-hundred-and-sixty abuse leading to your demise.

Do not attempt to create a loving home when taking this intox-I-cant.

Please! Consult your physician before becoming pregnant.

Side effects, when taken in conjunction with responsibility may include:

(in addition to an it's not my fault/I don't give a shit attitude)

depression, separation, alienation, divorce,

time in court, fucked-up kids, maybe violence of the domestic sort.

While my family should chalk it up to experience and divorce from each other,

then admit to their son and daughter they've been a shitty father and mother,

I propose these changes for my other friends.

Maybe the new warning will save someone else in the end.